Secession Blues

As we all grow weary of the increasingly tiresome secession talk, I'd like to remind you Kerry-lovin' blue voters that you are, as usual, unhinged from reality. First, there is no Cascadia and there isn't going to be one. You Blue folks are simply too hateful and unproductive to survive in a land all your own. Us red folks are the engine of this country and you know it.

Second, if you really must secede (and we don't want you to but this is currently a free country and the redder it is the more that will be true), you're talking about EIGHT new countries, not one. But sorry, you don't get any more territory than you currently claim you occupy. After all, you're the ones always talking about how sparsely populated "Jesusland" is. Well fine, then stick to your Watts public housing or your Upper Westside rent-controlled condos. That's fine with us out here in Stupidpeopleland.

While some might argue that the red/blue maps should either be purple or boiled down to red/blue at the precinct level, the reality is, the county-by-county election map is the best foundation for establishing the boundaries of your eight shiny new blue countries:
Your nation selection will be varied in locale, climate, and natural resources (which we expect you to leave untouched, by the way). Note that, while some blue counties had to go red (and vice versa) to make your 8 new countries possible, that's geopolitics for you. Sorry you can't keep ANWR or Yellowstone but we need more oil and geothermal energy for our rapidly expanding Stupidpeopleland population (currently 59,459,765+).

So take your pick of one of the new confederated blue countries and then feel free to apply for immediate citizenship. We'll miss your whining (but that's about it.)